Not Alone
by peanutbutter126
Summary: Tomoya just didn't want to be alone... he didn't realise it was the best present he could have gotten her.


I do not own Clannad or any of its characters.

Just something random I jotted down in twenty minutes...

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_Not Alone_

Tomoya Okazaki leaned in and blinked at his reflection in bright red orb on the festive tree. His face was stretched across the curvature of the ornament, his nose scaled to the largest ratio. He tapped it with a gloved finger and chuckled as it swung back and forth, the small bell concealed inside jingling merrily.

What a cheerful little thing.

He heard footsteps behind him and turned. Sanae stood behind him, a tray of snowflake-shaped bread in her hands. She smiled at him. "Why aren't you outside with your friends, Tomoya?" she asked gently.

Tomoya looked out the window of the shop. They were across the road, all of them. Sunohara had challenged the old man to a snowball fight and a flurry of white blurred the space between them. The girls were crouched further away, patting together a snowman. Tomoya's gaze grew distant as he remembered a crumbling snowman from his childhood. No one had been there to help his small hands hold together the shaped snow.

With a half-hearted smile to Sanae, he opened the door and stepped out. Sunohara noticed him almost immediately, and began moulding fresh ammunition. The wicked grin slid off just like the slab of wet snow that had slapped against the side of his face. Nagisa's father roared with laughter.

Kyou started it. Distracted from the snowman, she found entertainment in sneaking behind the fuming Sunohara and stuffing some snow down his pants. Tomoya chuckled as his friend yelped and danced around. Nagisa tried to hold him still, but she obviously had no intention of reaching in to scoop out the object of his distress. Sunohara begged, and before Tomoya could shout out a warning, Akio and Kyou were pelting him. Nagisa hesitated; Kotomi and Ryou dragged her to the side before she caught an unwelcome faceful.

Tomoya turned away from the scene. He'd never spent Christmas with so many people before. It was so lively, in stark comparison to any other occasion he could recall. Even Sunohara looked happy; usually he spent the day messing around with Tomoya, trying to score dates with girls, sneaking into pubs.

They'd wanted to belong back then, but now that they _did_ belong, Tomoya did not know what to do.

So he watched them. He thought he could learn that way.

Pity he was a slow learner when it came to things like this. He was still standing at the same spot when Sanae came out, wiping her hands on her apron. "Tomoya?" Had his mother sounded that gentle?

"Ah…" He didn't think he was ready. He didn't want to ruin it for them, just because he had no idea how to celebrate. "Crackers would be nice, huh?" Sanae blinked at him, opened her mouth, but he was continuing, giving her no cues. "I think Sunohara has some in his room – I'll go get them." He waved at her, at Nagisa who he knew had seen him. "I won't be long!" he called to her, and set off at a brisk pace down the iced pavement.

He could almost hear Sunohara as he turned the corner: "What? I don't have any crackers."

Tomoya walked the path of a lie anyway. He went up the winding hill, head lowered, hands in pockets. Fallen sakura blossoms and the occasional snowflake fell from above and gathered at the top of his head. _Keep walking_.

He would have walked right past her, if not for the breeze lifting her long hair and brushing it against his cheek.

She was leaning on the rail, looking over at the scene below. Specks of snow flecked her hair and clothing. The small mound on the shoulders of her coat – he noticed that it was thinner than was healthy for this weather – indicated that she had been standing there a long time.

Change of route.

"Tomoyo?"

He seemed to have startled her. She turned quickly, eyes wide. "Okazaki? What are you doing here?"

Tomoya joined her by the rail. "Question bounce. What are _you_ doing here?" _Alone_, a voice whispered in the back of his mind.

Tomoyo's eyes went glazed as she gazed up at the trees. It took a long while for her to start speaking. "I always wanted to spend Christmas with my family here," she said quietly, gesturing at the sakura trees. "Seems like saving them was no use if no one will walk under them."

He took off his scarf and wrapped it around her exposed neck. She was surprised, but only for a moment. "Why aren't with your family?" _Like I'm one to talk._

She drew the scarf tighter against her cold skin. "There were… problems," she said evasively. "Even Takafumi won't make it."

Tomoya nodded. "So you're alone."

She laughed softly. "I suppose." She glanced at him. "What about you? Didn't Nagisa invite you and her friends to spend the day with her family? Why aren't you there with them?"

"You were invited as well," he reminded her. Tomoyo turned away and muttered something he could not hear. Decisively, feeling light, Tomoya took her hand and tugged her down the hill. "Come," he called.

"W-wait!" she said breathlessly. They were accelerating, as if he was the carriage of a train and she was the engine. He hadn't been able to run without her. "I don't think I'll fit in."

"That's the ingenious part of my plan!" he shouted back, grinning.

"What?"

"You don't fit in, right? Guess what? Me neither!"

"Okazaki, you – stop!" Tomoyo's grip was (unsurprisingly) strong as she braced her weight against his. The truck streamed past them. "That was a car, you idiot! Did you want to get yourself killed?"

But Tomoya was laughing. "Eh, sorry, sorry – I haven't felt like this for a long time, know what I mean?"

"… Yeah." If he was surprised by her response, he didn't show it. They waited at the crossing, waited for the light to turn green so they could cross over. They could hear laughter.

Tomoya glanced over at Tomoyo. In a way, she was like him. Her presence made him feel calmer, more confident. It would be great if they could find it in themselves to join in and _be happy_, but if they couldn't… at least they wouldn't be alone.

"Hey, Tomoyo?"

"Yeah?" They were still holding hands, and she was starting to wonder why she didn't pull away.

"Merry Christmas."

"… You too, Tomoya."

The light turned green.


End file.
